FOR BARBARA

Dearest Barbara,

All I can do when I think of you is in my silence and aloneness
find you by my side, sharing as we have always from the heart.
I don’t know what will be after one leaves this world,
Between us, you are the only one now that can really know if
we stay in the mist of the vapors of life or
vanish into a another existence imagined in fantasy and dreams.
I look at my past and there are few images that are still in my life from then.
You have been the remnant that was all of the good that held conscious integrity.
You were the one that balanced me as you held determined discernment,
as I had hoped would be one that could offer you inspiration to aspire to your dreams.
I thank you for your total attentiveness
that was one of our most important requirements we considered for friendship.
To be 100% there in each other’s space and time.
And how the time would seem to vanish when we’d find ourselves together.
All that was needed to encourage our expression was a cup of tea, something sweet, and some light to keep us awake.
For even when we’d catch ourselves with eyes drooping to stay awake,
as we steered our thoughts and ideas through pains and joys…
We did not want to miss a beat to the timely rhythm of our precious dance of communion.
You have held a most honored place in my life as a true sister.
My heart aches as I remember as I arrived at your lovely haven of home away from home in Shasta and I’d be greeted with you coming outside before I’d get to your door showing me how happy you were to see meAs did I when you came to Hawaii here at our wedding as soon as I saw you coming out from the airport bursting with tears of joy to see you.
Even though you had a biological sister in which there was a great love: there was such a love we held.  Such as a memoir of a card you sent me revealed .. two little girls sitting on a big bed  and upon their shared lap a great book.  One was a little curly haired blonde and the other a dark straight haired child that you said reminded you of us. 

That special sharing and moments of timeless treasure will always be in my heart, our love of Astrology, walks and hikes on precious Mount Shasta, the many sacred circles, our prayer circle and Sweat lodges and the birthdays and Solstices, Christmas...moments that meant so very much to us.,,,we actually got to open a great book of life together in joy filled with anticipation and love.
Thank you my dearest Barbara. 

I love you.................

How do I share who Barbara was?
Barbara, as we all are to each other in such a small mundane perspective, is like a facet on a jewel.  Yet as with any stone when we offer more light from ourselves and it is receptive to it, that refraction of its inner light shines back to us and we in turn get more than one fine facet.  If we are lucky, we get a scintillating array of the gemstone itself.  I have been extremely privileged to be the beneficiary of such a gift from the dearest friend I know I’ve had in the world. To me she was a sister.  We both had sisters whom we cared very much for.  Barbara was a younger sister who looked up to her older sister Beverly.  I am an older sister always concerned about my younger sister Veronica.  Both of our sisters always seemed literally (for Barbara), and figuratively (for me), so very far away and not easy to be in touch with. So when Barbara and I came together we were both on a road of truly letting go of our past lives and attachments and trying to make it on our own.  Ironically we found the sisters that we so wanted in both our lives, in each other.  She will always be my little sister even though she is older than I, and I know I will always be her big sister for she would be there in total acceptance to our guidance together (as I would most of the times initiate our ventures).  We had so much love to offer our own sisters.   We were blessed to find a receptive sister that was willing to accept exactly what we wanted to give.  Such a chance of love is very rare in this world.  I can say I hadn’t a chance to have this happen ever before.  Barbara and I made the time when we were together to totally drink in all that the other was willing to give.  Those moments and memories will live on within me for the rest of my life. 

I will share what I can that I feel important as a priestess, for that is one aspect that brought us together. 
If you look at her website www.spiritcare.com you will find a list of principles that were very valuable to her.  She upheld them completely. She lived by her word and she was one that was a finisher.  She didn’t like to start things she wasn’t going to finish.  I can respect that, for I value those same principles.  We were both born in the vibration of the balsamic moon; the end of the beginning and it seemed that she was to finish a lot of things in this life time in a very clean and tidy manner. 

We both came from families whose parents weren’t capable of being in our lives, and we learned to depend on ourselves even though there was an inner hope that someone could be there regardless.
Barbara and I shared many topics in conversation and in expression of life.  I respected her and admired her for being such a scholar and an extremely intelligent woman where we could hold endless conversation, but also she never lost her ability to be that joyful innocent child through out. 

Our favorite topic at the beginning was Astrology and extremely deep subjects of ancient esoteric nature that would pop up occasionally in conversation, but the simple living of gardening and pets and the seasons and ceremony was the most important as our relationship grew.  We never got into giving each other readings like I’ve done with many other friends.  She and I were very capable of giving deeply informative insights since we both had been studying astrology since our girlhoods.  We’d just talk of what was happening in the present, and since we both were independent, never did we tell each other what to do. Well, we never asked each other either. We just shared our lives like a real family member would do, and that was what it was all about. 
When we first met, Barbara didn’t know much about Native American tradition but she openly and quickly ate it all up.  After her more frequent exposure to Aida, eventually she used Metaqueasin after every blessing since the last time I last shared ceremony with her physically on winter Solstice 2006.  I feel she has always held the spirit of the ‘Original’ people in her heart. She never lost that original innocence. 

She loved to use the oils I’ve been making over the years so that was a definite Birthday gift each year besides the other trinket I’d send. Yet, it wasn’t the gifts or what we did for each other that were so special.  Our relationship was a magical and special blessing like the ‘wind in the willows’ kind of atmosphere that would descend upon us.  All the snow in the universe could pile around us and we’d still be in that cozy place together.   I am so grateful that I had someone in my life that was willing to accept and love me as I have loved her.  Once you have held such a sweet experience you have no yearning to seek it again.  My cup has been completely filled since I’ve known Barbara and I lift it as high as I can for her in my heart forever.

Lastly, I want to mention Barbara’s magical kitty Angel.  She had a great love for Angel, which I as a pet owner can understand.  We pet owners do know that the sentient beings in our lives are truly angels, as Barbara so named her Angel.  Something happened to him the spring Marcus and I left for Hawaii in 2005.  Angel disappeared and never returned, neither did Barbara’s spirits fully return as well even though she tried to find it again in adopting other cats.

I want to immensely thank Linda and Thomas Pierce for jumping in and being there for Barbara in her last hours.  Barbara was able to receive that love she so needed through Linda.  I do believe Linda and Thomas were able to help Barbara regain enough strength and enabled her to finish her journey home to Beverly and Anthony in Ireland.
Barbara was indeed a true Mystic and Priestess of an initiatory order.  We as astrologers know about the affects of cosmic law and order.  We respect the science of universal mathematics and its application in Astrology.  It was a religion to the both of us.  Barbara knew her shortcomings and lessons in this life and as all of us humans would have emotional disturbances on things that weren’t working in harmony i.e. people taking advantage and not really honoring right relationship. Yet, she know it was her lesson to let those things go and continue to give and walk through the process in acceptance and understanding.  I am fortunate to have been privy to her concerns and also to her example and this I have honored and respected as an extremely living conscious person.  There are many people who know a lot of mystical and intellectual information but do not walk the process in living consciousness.  I know absolutely Barbara has already journeyed to the scales of Maat and since she listened to her heart first and it was in total alignment to her feather of truth, her souring wings have taken her on a flight to the stars.

PS:  If any one wishes to do honor for Barbara… she and I share a prayer circle together on the 13th of every month.  She supported and also helped to initiate and continued to facilitate Our Lady's Prayer Circle up to the last 13th of September in which she included Tom and Linda Pierce.. Those who wish to, please participate in it for her.  Also because of Barbara others have expressed the desire to support and facilitate the prayer gatherings in their areas. Linda and Thomas Pierce have decided to hold Barbara's place of prayer in Mount Shasta CA and Barbara's beloved sister and brother in-law Beverly and Anthonly will be holding prayer circle in her honor on the 13th of every month in Ireland.

During this time she is in the soul’s underworld cycle of rebirth.  It would be very beneficial if you could help her focus in conscious energy to her goals and also to pray for those that are so very attached to her to let her go so her journey is not deterred.  Additionally through this seasonal time to place some time in reflection and honor all those that have been influencial in all our lives that have left this earth plane.

Thank you.

Diveena Seshetta Marcus