Sometimes the world we live in seems to be moving so fast I find myself wondering how did I get in this situation, or why am I not receiving the cooperation I need to get things done?

Life really does respond to our all questions; in November of 2007 I learned of a workshop on Non-Violent Communication (NVC). I wanted to know what that was, having never heard the term before, so I asked a friend if she had heard of NVC and what did it really mean ? As she began to share what she had learned, the two of us decided to attend the workshop. We were delighted to see others we knew among the wide range of age groups present.  That night I began to realize two things: Number one, I was certainly not alone in this struggle to communicate effectively, and number two, it was possible a better way existed, waiting to be learned and implemented. I could also see that the idea of NVC entailed a shift in thinking.

Since that time I have continued to pursue a better understanding of this idea by attending gatherings, classes and training events led by Jeff Brown, a certified trainer from the Center for Non-Violent Communication, who lives and works in St. Louis, MO.

Because I am one of those dreamers who envisions a world living together as one. I thought this might be a good topic to share with others. So I asked Jeff if he would be willing to share a bit of his expertise with everyone, and he graciously agreed.

As we began our chat, he explained that NVC has been around for about more than 30 years but only became part of the popular culture in the past 10 years with the publication of the book Nonviolent Communication by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg.

According to Brown, Rosenberg was a psychotherapist living in St. Louis, MO, in the 60’s and 70’s, who became dissatisfied with what he saw as limitations to the analytical approach to psychology and began weaving together a very deep level process of communication, personal growth, and spiritual connection, that ultimately became known as Nonviolent Communication or Compassionate Communication.

How might we learn to use this type of communication to positively impact our lives and the world? The starting point is within, Brown says, because many times the most violent conflicts are going on in side of us as we judge, blame or shame ourselves for doing things we don’t like. Then our next step would be to move outwards to our interpersonal relationships with our family members and coworkers, learning how to connect with them on a level that is radically honest but is also most likely to inspire compassion. Finally, we take the concept out into the world to large groups of people.

When I asked Jeff how he came to discover this type of communication and if it was easy for him to learn, his response was quick. " This was one of the most difficult things I have ever done!" He explains that he came to this concept by coincidence about 9 years ago. He says he was flabbergasted when he realized most of his relations had "gone south" and no wonder! He was "in conflict and depressed!"

He admitted that it took several years to integrate the knowledge into his life and that he remains in the process of learning today. He reports that it is now easier for him to access this consciousness of compassion in his daily life.

When I asked if he could share any experiences using Compassionate Communication in his life, he recalled his relationship with his father. Jeff explained that while he was raised by his father, they were not close. And when he turned 18, he went out on his own. His mother then died about 15 years ago..

When he learned Compassionate Communication, a door opened for him to see his father. He found the ability to empathize with him and share things with him about his own life. Jeff says he now has a very meaningful relationship with his father.

As we learn more about Compassionate Communication, I wonder, how can we change our perceptions to begin the process of integrating this new way of thinking into our being? Brown explains that when we notice ourselves making a judgment such as thinking someone is being too sensitive or maybe being too much of a loud mouth, we need to translate that experience into our feelings and determine our underlying need. Are we uncomfortable or frustrated? Are we feeling anxiety? Then we need to immediately connect that to what is generating our feeling, which in this practice, we call our need.

JEFF BROWN

We might have a need for mutuality or equality in a conversation. When we realize that’s not happening, we feel anxiety or impatience and would really like to experience something different. So what we are doing is translating judgments into our own feelings and needs. WOW! I must admit that this is a huge concept for me.

During this Interview, I realized how out of touch I have been with my thoughts and feelings and how poorly I have communicated! So, I followed up by asking Jeff if there had ever been a time when he used this tool of Compassionate Communication and felt he totally missed the mark? He quickly acknowledged that in the past 9 years there might have been many examples of using these skills when it just didn't’t work. He suggests it might not have worked because he got "triggered" by something that was said, or maybe he just didn't’t have the patience in that moment to work it through. Oftentimes, Jeff goes on, when we are just beginning to learn this process, we may feel the need to engage in extended dialogue until the other person sees it our way. I jokingly said the most important thing to remember then is not to wear the other person out and his instant rejoinder was not to wear yourself out!

Jeff pointed out that in defining "how does this process work" we are creating a certain quality of connection with the other person. And reiterated that what is does not mean is getting the other person to agree with our point of view. The sole objective of practicing Compassionate Communication is creating connection, to demonstrate to the other person that our only objective is to understand them and to help them understand us. In that process, we trust that something good will come out of the exchange.

Jeff says Compassionate Communication is a movement that can be effective any place where people have difficulty connecting. He has traveled to 15 Midwestern States, here in the U.S., as well as to Canada, South Korea and Japan. He also points out that NVC Founder Marshall Rosenberg has taken these concepts to somewhere between 35 to 40 countries, including Israel, Eastern and Western Europe, Central and South America, and several African countries. Brown also noted that Dr Rosenberg has tried very hard to bring the tools of Compassionate Communication to the people of Iraq but has been met with difficulties getting visas and access to the local people.

In closing, Jeff points out Compassionate Communication is an effective tool that brings us to the present moment. It catapults us beyond those past experiences and allows us to be present with what is in the here and now.

If you would like more information on Compassionate Communication, go to

www.heartfeltcommunication.com or to www.cnvc.org .